How to Handle Child Meltdowns and Judgments: A Parent's Journey

A parent asked: Child that is diagnosed with high functioning autism, adhd, sensory processing disorder, and is twice exceptional. 

Question. How do you parents manage other people's comments about your child having a melt down? We were in the store and someone bumped into my son and he had a complete meltdown. He was screaming, throwing things, hitting me, ect. Yes he nows not to do that. Yes he was taken away from the situation for a reset. No I didn't make a big deal with it. But as I was taking him to the car for a reset I was hearing people say "if that was my child they would be grounded." "If that was my child he'd never come to the store." "She needs to get a better handle on him." "He'd be doing fire wood if he acted like that with me." 

I tried my best to ignore but now I feel guilty for not saying something. I will admit I have a temper when it comes to people talking about my children.

My answer as a parent:“Listen, I completely get it. I have had people who have no idea what it is like to have a child on the spectrum shoot all types of dirty looks and judgement my way. I have to be honest and say that I have definitely had my less than shining bear momma moments where I made the person request opening their mouth. In the end that only felt good for a moment. I have learned that I have nothing to protect or defend so I do not let my pride or ego get involved with peoples ignorance and their perceptions of my parenting. Its funny because this journey will make you second guess your value as a parent. Sometimes there is so much failure that when a complete stranger makes a comment I'd feel reactive because somewhere deep down I was questioning my parenting. When I began to really believe that I was a great parent and that I was doing the best I could everyday, I stopped feeling so reactive to those idiots. We really only have so much energy, and I'll be damned if I spend any of it fighting with someone who couldn't survive a day in my shoes. Nah, I choose to use that energy on what matters most, my baby and my family and maintaing my peace.”

Hey there, fellow parents. I want to talk about something that we’ve all probably encountered at some point: the not-so-gentle stares and hurtful comments from strangers when our kids have a meltdown. Recently, a parent reached out to me, overwhelmed by the judgment she faced when her child had a meltdown in a store after being bumped into by someone. It's a scenario that feels all too familiar for many of us, and it’s tough.

Imagine it: your heart is racing, your child is upset, and you’re just trying to handle the situation as best as you can. You know your child's triggers, and yes, maybe he ‘knows better.’ You take him away from the overwhelming environment for a reset. You're doing your best. But then, as you’re walking to the car, you hear those comments—people who have no idea what you’re going through saying things like, “If that was my child, they would be grounded,” or “She just needs to control him better.” 

I totally get it. It’s maddening. In those moments, the mix of embarrassment and frustration can be unbearable. I’ve been there too, and I’ll admit, I’ve had my own “bear momma” moments where I’ve snapped back at the judgment of others. But truthfully, those reactions only made me feel good for a fleeting second.

Here’s what I’ve learned over time: I don’t have to defend myself or my child to those who don’t understand our journey. Ignorance runs deep, and while it can be tempting to let their comments get to us, we ultimately have control over how we respond to them. It's funny because this parenting journey can make you second guess yourself. Sometimes, after a particularly tough day, when a stranger says something hurtful, it can touch a nerve because, deep down, I might be questioning my worth as a parent.

But let me tell you—once I started truly believing in my abilities as a parent and recognizing that I was giving my child my all, the sting of those comments began to fade. I stopped feeling so reactive to those who had no clue about the reality of our lives. 

Think about this: we only have so much energy to expend. We need to save that energy for what really matters—our kids, our families, and maintaining our own peace. Why waste it on the opinions of people who have never walked in our shoes? 

So, if you find yourself feeling guilty for not saying something in response to those harsh words, let it go. It’s perfectly okay to choose silence over confrontation. Your child’s journey is far more important than a fleeting battle with a stranger. Embrace your child’s uniqueness and the extraordinary challenges they bring. 

At the end of the day, we’re all navigating our paths as parents, and it’s not always easy. Remember, you’re not alone in this. We’re all just trying to do our best and support our little ones. Next time you’re faced with judgmental comments, take a deep breath and remind yourself: you are a wonderful parent, doing the very best for your child every single day. Let’s focus on what truly matters—the love, understanding, and strength we bring to our families. Keep pushing forward, and choose to shine bright amidst the noise!